Praying for love in a lap dance, and paying in naivety.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about many different things.
I plan on putting them all up on this blog, but I'm not sure if they'll be separately posted or not... so I guess what I'm trying to say is that if they're all jumbled together in one post, just bear with me. I want to get everything out, save maybe one thing that's gnawing at the corners of my mind whenever I drift off.
But who knows, that might be posted too.

Anyway, I went to New York City for the first time from last Wednesday to this past Saturday. [Hontou desu! :D NYC ga saikou no toshiiii~ Kore wa cheesakunai-desu...x__X]
It was amazing, indubitably, and I had been expecting greatness, indubitably... I'd wanted to go since I was a little kid, and it didn't disappoint. However, when we drove through the streets of Manhattan, a string of thoughts went through my head.

Our society is swimming neck-deep in debauchery... and I'd venture to say it's built upon it itself. I never gave it much thought, growing up in suburbia, but geez... we passed so many strip joints [and strip joint ADS, for that matter] in NYC that I was beginning to wonder why prostitution hasn't been federally legalized, as it would certainly help with the good old USA's outstanding national debt...

[Of course, I say this to be facetious. I see the logic behind it being the industry, or lack thereof, that it is. Sillies.]

Anyway, as we passed all these gentlemen's clubs and DVD/lingerie stores, I was sitting there thinking about how many political scandals there are each year, known and unknown to the public; how many viruses are transferred over the world wide web through a façade of pornography. I mean, damn, think about how many people are doing the following- the dirty, thinking about doing the dirty, or even WATCHING having the dirty done- RIGHT NOW. Weird thought, right? And as teenage pregnancy numbers skyrocket, it's almost sad to see how weak our generation has become to primal carnal instinct. Is that why people are divorcing so frequently; the sex just isn't the same?

And it's not just sex, I've realized... it's everything. We live in a world where self-pleasure rules over man, and we're all so fucking susceptible to the seemingly iron grasp. Every night is an orgy, figuratively speaking or not, making every morning the lazy swirl of partial memories and occasional remnants of the night before as we try to hide from the light filtering through the window on our side... and once you start this cycle, you just end up wanting more and more. Tell me, reader, am I wrong?

I'm not condemning sexual acts in the least. It's part of healthy human behavior, no doubt there. I just find it a bit comical that people of the 21st century have taken such refuge in all this. Is it really all you have left, mortal?

Oh, this and love. Ever wonder how many times someone says "I love you" in a day? If every person in the world said they loved someone, that's approximately 6,814,472,306 "I love you"s.

Now think of how many of them are lying.

It's like there's pressure these days to love!
I find that more and more kids are "falling in love". It's what makes me hate movies like Twilight, to be completely blunt. You have this relationship- an abusive relationship, at that- and it's portrayed as perfection in the easily manipulated, fragile mind of the weak-spirited teenage female.

Some of them.

But is this not true for adults, too? There's so many movies about so-called picture-perfect love, and this sets this unreachable standard.
I've talked about all this before, I'm stopping here. Go read my other post if you're interested.

One last thing, though- if we've got such a pressure to have our constituents fall in love, why is love between two constituents [in America, in particular] of the same gender condemned?
[I know I said I was done, but I wanted to talk about this too...]
I was talking to a friend today about how I thought that being called gay, lesbian, bi, straight, or whatever the hell you want to be called was just asking for segregation. I mean, look at it rationally. Labels like that are made for one reason- to separate groups of people. And when groups branch off from one another, people start feeling reasons instinctively to say that they're better than the other, or that the other is wrong for being different.

Ugh, this post is going to cause mucho conflict, I can feel it. xD I risk posting as private, actually, because all this was quite a bitch to spill onto a page.
I really meant it when I said I have trouble sorting my thoughts into words. Filing cabinet.

Have a wonderful Tuesday.

-CS.

PS- There will always be someone in a person's life who has no idea how much the actions and decisions that they themselves carry out will impact another... and how much they'll be missed when they're gone.

What the hell IS vintage these days, anyway?

This might look like two posts in the same day, but to me, it's not. Days end when I go to sleep, damnit! xD

I sat on a porch swing today on the front deck of a house on Mulberry Street. Here I sat with at least 6 or 7 other people- some sitting on various chairs of various types; folding, rocking, whatnot; some standing- and I was content.
Most of them were smoking, and one of them had a considerable resemblance of Iggy Pop.

Seriously.

This was the late afternoon, and it wasn't particularly hot, but the heat had set in for the day.

Anyway, I was sitting here with these people thinking about how I'd have loved to live when the music was good, and everyone was so carefree.
I've often said I should've been born 50 years earlier. I feel like living [CONSCIOUSLY living, mind you] during the 70s and 80s would really make me happier than I am these days. Hell, you can tell that by the music I listen to.

It's strange to me, though, that people long for different times... that they haven't even lived through. Are people born to their designated time period/undesignated time period, or does it matter?
I've thought about this often... sometimes people say they've been born into the wrong gender, or sometimes [fewer times, indubitably], people say they've been born into the wrong culture. But to be born into the wrong time period?

Maybe I'm just weird.
I haven't really decided yet.

Food for thought.

-CS.

Filing cabinets?

I realized today that though I remember things quite easily, I can't remember for the LIFE of me where these things are referenced from. For example, I can recall quotes and concepts and stories from movies and books and TV shows, but it takes me a minute to remember who said what in which movie or book or show.
I was talking to someone just a while ago about how my mind must be like a big box with papers strewn about it, instead of the average intellectual's mind: a filing cabinet. Labels on everything, sending all information to its proper place.
I want a filing cabinet mind! Then I could remember where statistics were from, and who said which quotes.

[And I swear I haven't blown up my filing cabinet with narcotics. I swear!]

I've also determined that when you've found someone to love, loving them is very different far away. That is, you love them the same, but you want them to be there so much that you get this longing feeling attached to the love... you sit there thinking about how wonderful it would be for them to be there so you could feel them. And when I say feel, I mean feel their presence in any way possible. I find myself doubting the presence of others at times- not physically, but... I don't know, call it existentialism. It just gives me great delight to feel someone living and breathing beside [and BESIDES] me, to feel their warmth, and not necessarily in a romantic sense, but just... proof of survival?

Of course, romantic senses of this proof are wonderful too. To hold and be held, and to feel someone there with you, and to practically make a game involving whoever can get the closest to the other.

Wow, tangent. You can tell what I'm thinking about, ne? If I'm making any sense today, I feel like I should award myself a medal, hah.

I also really don't like how personal this post is becoming, so I'm going to cut it here.

-CS.

1.5.

I've decided that one day I want to dance with you to Moon River, because there would be nothing more perfect in the world than you and I together.
I'll never stop counting the minutes; all 788,923 and counting.

-CS.

So many colors in this distraction.

A commissioned post, of sorts.

This past week, I started thinking about people. People and their personalities.
Of course, personalities of human beings have long been compared- metaphorically, of course- to many different things. But all of a sudden, in English class this week, I started seeing them as shades.
[Shades of red, to be specific, but I'm not really sure if this was because there were red streaks of Expo markers on the whiteboard in front of me, or because I was angry. Tends to happen a lot in that class, but hey, what can ya do?]

Now, everyone has people in their lives that make up the spectrum of a certain color. You really do, hear me out.
Consider the brightest, most vivid color you can imagine. There's people on this earth whose personality reflects it, right? People who are very expressive, and stand up for their beliefs.
[Think of personalities like economics: we're under the assumption people are rational beings, thus make rational decisions. So people with personalities the color of a fire truck aren't always the first to jump off a cliff, nor radiate stupidity.]

So desaturate that color a bit.. if you chose red, think of a faint pinkish color. We know people like that too. These are the people who are very quiet, very reserved.. not necessarily the anti-social ones, but the ones who don't voice themselves with as much zeal.

It's weird to think about which shades we as a whole are drawn to, and which we as individuals are drawn to.

If you consider the Hindu/Buddhist characterization of humans through the color of their chakra, I guess this is in the same boat.. but instead of color, one looks at intensity. Rather elementary in the longrun, I suppose, but hell.. it makes sense to me.

Just think about it the next time you look at a chroma gradient.

That's all I've got for now, but more is bound to come next time I remember to update this blog.

-CS.

Valentine's Day.

Oh, Valentine's Day. The holiday full of so much pink and sugary cliché. I'm really surprised it hasn't been banned forever by all those male politicians for that very reason.
Guess they've found their "love", though, right? And I'm not talking about the one they're married to. But, you know what they say... love can even be found in the peaks of the Appalachian Trail. [;

A lot of people have been getting googly-eyed over a fleeting mention of the holiday. I'm not one of them, I don't think I would be even if I had plans. I'm not saying I frown on it entirely- I think it's really great that people take a day to appreciate their loved ones, even if it's just one out of their busy schedule- but hell, don't you think we shouldn't take prompting from a holiday?

I don't see what's so romantic about a day toward the end of winter, for that matter. And I'm speaking for the weather in the States, perhaps one of the biggest indulging countries in the world during Valentine's Day.
Here, the day is normally grey, making the pinks you see even more retina-burning if you're single. [;
No wonder people hate it so much!
I think if anyone asked my honest input, I'd respond with "Well, I think we should at least move it to the summer, so people won't spend their day inside."
Wouldn't YOU rather be outside with your significant other on a starry night doing whatever the hell you wanted? I would. I'd actually move it myself. xD

Now, I really don't hate Valentine's Day. This is actually the second I've been in a relationship. [I don't really like to count last year's Valentine's Day, however, since there was no hope of anything festive because I was freezing my ass off in Boston with my debate team. Romantic, eh?] I think it's absolutely fantastic that people spend a day attributed to the one they love.
I just think that it's turned into Capitalism Day. Honestly, how much money do you think retailers bring in over the course of mid-February? And in these times, when we have the highest divorce rates since, well, EVER... it leaves you wondering "for what?"

Not to mention the fact that even if you're taken, all the couples around on Valentine's Day just seem to mock you with their presence if your girl or guy isn't beside you as well. Normally it's easy to put up with, but seriously, once you see 40 or 50 couples making out during the morning commute... it's nerve-wracking, I'm sure, to even the most stable of couples if you aren't there to flash yours back. So in addition to Capitalism Day, it's official get-judged-by-your-peers day! Fun.

Now, going back to when I mentioned the United States' interpretation of Valentine's Day earlier...
I've been watching a few foreign exchange students from Japan doing vlogs for a while, and several of them have recently posted videos on the Japanese tradition of Valentine's Day. It's really different, from the way it seems.
Essentially, to the Japanese, Valentine's Day is a day for girls to get gifts [almost ALWAYS chocolates- seriously, if chocolate isn't an object on that day in Japan to men or women, you've been living under a rock.] for men and occasionally other women. But it's largely only the girls distributing these.

There's three types of chocolates that are given out by Japanese girls:

1. Giri-chocos. These are basically the equivalent of giving one of those cheap, generic whatever-movie-was-a-hit-at-the-time paper Valentines to everyone in your class in elementary school... except these are for the guys in your life. Think co-workers, neighbors, bosses. Giri- in this sense pretty much means "obligation". xD Makes ya feel loved, eh? But on the flipside, if a guy doesn't get much chocolate on Valentine's Day, he's pretty socially fucked.

2. Tomo-chocos. Friend chocolates, easy. These are usually to female friends, but I'm sure men get them too. A step up from giri-chocos. These pretty much debuted in the 80s, when women were given a more equal stance in Japanese culture [AKA women being allowed to divorce men was made legal. See Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto.]

3. Honmei-chocos. If you get one of these, guys, you know you're something special. These are usually more expensive to get, but are very often homemade. I mean, hell, if you're expressing your affection for a guy, it'd look better if you put effort in other than like, 1500 yen, ne?

Now, after all this occurs in the male section of the population, I'm sure it leaves you wondering- okay, what about the girls?
White Day is a holiday celebrated on March 14, a month after Valentine's Day, so that men can return their affection to the women. However, White Day isn't really as much of a big deal as Valentine's Day, especially in the teenage population... and I'm sure you can guess why.

Bit different, eh? Both holidays in Japan are a bit more prospective than the Americanized view on Valentine's. I thought it was pretty interesting, though, that they took this westernized, originally Christian [okay, Pagan, fine] holiday and offered that level of differentiation.

Oh, another fact: ever heard of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre? Hahaha... if you wanted to take a hilariously cynical standpoint on this "day of love", go do some research. You might also want to check out the day that St. Valentine was executed by Emperor Claudius II, and what his crime was.

Have fun tomorrow, don't go setting any couples on fire that glance in your direction, and if it doesn't kill you, say I love you to someone.

-CS.

LAMF.

Very short post to follow.
[Edit: Well... sorta?]

This is to all who read this blog [and even those who don't regularly, or are just stopping in] who feel like they aren't good enough, or that they've been given too much to handle.

Everyone's just been really... down lately. Including myself, but I blame hormones.

Neurotransmitters.
WHATEVER. xD

First of all, stop and really think about who loves you. It might not do much, but honestly, when you think about how lucky you are to have that person in your life, it's like.. this overwhelming wave of happiness, and you can't go back from that.

Second.
Today, I discovered that making other people feel better makes you feel a lot better about yourself... whether that's making everyone on your AIM buddy list feel happier with a compliment, or addressing one specific friend's needs.

Third.
I happened upon this certain blog today, and read this:

I was sad today...and i think God must think I'm pretty tough...because he won't give us more than we can handle....so I feel honored He thinks I can handle all this.

Yeah, admittedly, I'm not much of a religious person.
...Alright, not at all.
But! I think the premise behind her statement stands!
Let's replace "God" with "fate". Theoretically, we should all kick the shit we get in the groin, and be like, "Hey, I'm living my life here. You ain't stoppin' me now, I've got people to do and things to see."
Application?
You should just look all the drama and supposed "bad karma" in the eyes and say bitch, I can take you faster than a shot of vodka on Valentine's Day.

Wait a minute... backfired.
Well, I thought it was kinda clever.

Anywho. I'm not going all omniscient on your asses. I'm not going to try and act like I understand what's going on.
But we shall OVERCOME! Be happy!
Viva la revolution.
Tell your lady you love her, let your guy be macho for a day. Y'know?
Maybe we'll make the world happier.

And while we're waiting, have a goddamn amazing day.

-CS.