8 times.

You know who you are.
Quit kicking me to post, I'll let you know when the inspiration anvil is upon me.

-CS.

Movie review! [Repo! The Genetic Opera, par request.]

[Did I mention I'm freakin' ridiculously and on the border of dangerously attracted to the Repo Man? Hahaha, that can't be healthy. You watch it with me, though, and you'll find out.]

The Genetic Opera. What can be said?

[Well, for one, it came BEFORE the 2010 movie Repo Men, and though I recommend seeing that too, I can't say I'm thrilled with the fact that the basis of the plot was copied from this.]

This movie is a roller coaster ride. But not any stupid action movie/romance roller coaster- you know what I’m talking about, the gaudy shit at water parks that’s not even fun anymore because it’s just so damn predictable. I’m talking one of the goddamn wooden things that barely works anymore. Should’ve been shut down years ago, people complained that it was too unsafe and threw you all over the place- “my little Johnny almost died on the sharp turn toward the front, I’m gonna get your place condemned!”- oh, but people ride it for that very reason. To like this movie, you have to put all the critiquing skills you learned in college aside. [Hell, even if you refuse to, they’ll just fly off on the backspin like those expensive new Aviators. That’s what you get for being stubborn, they say.] Just when you think you’ve figured it out, you’ll completely turn around and take a route you never expected, whether you like it or not. But the designers [producers] are smarter than you; they knew they’d hook you by the end, no matter how much hell it put your mental state through- even though it's a musical. [A fucking ROCK musical, by the way.] So, is Repo! The Genetic Opera worth watching? I’ll reply with a resounding yes as I sit next to you, and the only thing more I can tell you is to just sit back and enjoy the fucking ride.

It’s okay, you’ll be addicted by the end as well.

I want to pick up blogging frequently again, so if you see me on the street, kick me and remind me. I'm serious.

-CS.

Never care for things they say, never care for games they play.

Have you ever just hurt about something, but weren't really sure what about?

You start to think, maybe it's about the loneliness. "I'm a pretty lonely person. I stay up late doing nothing in particular, and that gives me time to think about the people who aren't there."

Maybe it's about the feeling of being left behind. "Well, there's people out there- ones I care about- living their lives. What am I doing? Waiting to catch up."

Or maybe it's something deeper. "If this person wanted me, they wouldn't have to turn to other things to get cheap thrills. Maybe this is their escape. So I shouldn't be concerned, right?"

People act surprised when others distance themselves, but really, I feel like it's just human nature. When people hurt, they back away. But when confronted about this backing away, there are tons of different responses. Some people get angry immediately, some people take a passive-aggressive route and get nasty and sardonic or just quite obviously sad/hurt, some people distance themselves even more by ignoring this person or people, and some people blow it off like it's nothing.

Bet the one who's confronting this person never really stopped to think about how they felt, eh?

[Is this directed toward someone? You tell me.]

I've spent a long time this summer thinking about people, and the way they act. I think for a few years I've tried to put myself in another's shoes, and tried to understand their circumstances, and for the most part, I think I've gained a lot of patience that way. So, next time you experience someone's reaction to being confronted after they were hurt, put yourself in their shoes. They'd do the same for you, ya know.

-CS.

Ask the lonely.

Life.
Today I cracked open a fortune cookie (did you know that those little motherfuckers have 10 grams of fat each?! You'd think that's how much they weighed out on their own... needless to say, I was upset.). To be honest, I was actually expecting some really depressing fortune (Have you noticed they're all happy?), but instead, I got this:

Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life. ☺

I'm trying to live it out, you should too. Writing helps me vent.

Anyway, you'd probably be better off not to read any of the following. I didn't do it for you, I did it for me. With the exception of a few lines, indicated with an *.

Steve Perry, sometimes your lyrics mindfuck me.

You think too much.

We've made it a week... a week and a day, and we can make it two weeks and many more days. Can't we? We can. We have to. Because since we've made it this long- this fucking long without cracking under pressure, we've been through so much, so goddamn MUCH-

-We have to make it. Please.

*I feel like people who are actually paying attention to my blog deserve an explanation for why I haven't blogged in almost a month... and honestly, I don't think I have one. I just haven't been motivated to write about anything. And what I write, I don't publish. I don't even publish it on LiveJournal; I feel like a certain person will read it and get offended because they assume it's in regard to them, and even if it is, I just don't want to be a whiny bitch because lord knows that happens enough as it is.

Ugh.

Someone tell me what to do with my life. And where to go. The people I should meet and the things I should tell them.
The stories I should weave, and the identity I should sculpt for myself.
Tell me where I will live, tell me how much money to make every year and what day I'll get married. And maybe divorced.
Tell me how many of my kids will stay in contact with me after they move out. How many will live through their teenage years without killing themselves.

Tell me what to make of myself and I'll do it, but I can't do it on my own.
And the only person I have to help me find it within myself... I feel that I hardly have.

8/9

Inspired by someone else's catharsis [so to speak].
A poem, miss Aminah, just for you.
---

He'd never know how unworthy she felt when she saw him smile within his own circle. His comfort zone, the group of people "he'd never love like he (tried to convince her he) loved her."

She'd never be that to him. She'd never be able to travel with him- not for a long time, anyway- like his friends did. They'd never have the silly jokes and the fond memories of so long ago.

When she went places he'd been, she saw his vapor trail woven through the City- yes, THE City, the city that was to be her city, but he beat her to it- and all he could do, she assumes, is think about how much of an experience it'd been with them.

With her. (X)
With him. (Y)

He'd rather go with them, wouldn't he? Wouldn't it make him happier?

Faceless names, nameless faces, that's all they are to HER, but whether or not X and Y still mean something to HIM is nothing more than a mystery.

Rather, X does (maybe) but Y doesn't, because she confirmed this in her subtleties.

By the way, "them" isn't an interchangeable term in the average person's vocabulary, but for him, he's either got a lot of "them" or he merely changes his top friends on MySpace every day.

Why wasn't he... no, why wasn't SHE here sooner? If they were fated to be together, don't you think fate wouldn't have been so untimely?

"Love's a bitch," she says, "because when you know you love someone more than they give you a second glance, well... you just have to deal with it."

Glance her way for a change.

fin.
---

Depending on who interprets this to be about whom, it could be taken as VERY bitchy.
That's why I leave interpretation up to you.

If this disappears in a few days, it's been moved to my LiveJournal.

-CS.

And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Days go by.
People live on.
But man, it really hurts sometimes to watch time go by.
You find yourself thinking, damn, what happened to us? All of us? We were unstoppable, we were inseparable, and we kicked some ass pretty hard together… and then…

What happened.

As I watch people- no, not people, but close friends- leave the nest, head off to college, and kick off their lives, I find my self really dreading the day that this will happen to me. I’m very much a person who enjoys friendships and relationships, and I can’t deal with people leaving. Honestly, ask anyone.
Unfortunately, I’ve gotten my fair share of goodbyes, as have most.

Hell, I witnessed [in a way] two seemingly inseparable friends split apart, and consistently see one [I'm not close to them, mind you, but get Facebook newsfeed updates quite frequently] completely disregard the fact that the other existed. Perhaps this disregarded friend thinks often about his ex-best friend; it's actually quite likely, but seeing both go on with their lives is strange.

[I'm also hoping that the person this is about didn't realize it was them, because I don't bring it up with them but I do know that it hurts for friend 2 to think about.]

However, after thinking about it, we shouldn’t be sad that people branch out and go on with their lives, but instead should be happy for the memories. If we kept all our friends, we would end up neglecting them all, if you consider it. Of course, people say this sort of thing as an inspirational message at graduations and going away parties and the what, but I’ve been very intimately exposed to this… a bit prematurely, in my opinion, because of all the lovely seniors I’ve come to adore with all my heart.

So it hurts to leave, but we have to keep going, because it’s all we can do. Be thankful for the happiness that people gave you, and be hopeful for future happiness due to new relationships and friendships.

So I guess to conclude, I'll say some inspirational finale that would make everyone cheer and cry and hug their mothers, and all that good stuff.
Whether you believe it or not is your own problem, but I sure as hell don't want to.

"There is no such thing as goodbye, only more opportunities to say hello."

When you fall 7 times, laugh 8 times.

"하늘빛 무대 위의 주인공 그건 바로 우리야 그대야, 세 상 속에 난 서있어 뜨겁게 타는 불꽃처럼..."
-In other words, be happy. You're all you've got. [:

Fame. Such a blessing, but apparent in quite the disguise.
It'd be a lie to say one has never wished for fame [mainly because no one in the world is that modest; come on, you know it's true], but man, the older one gets... or rather, the more mature one gets, the more one sees what a serious hindrance the status is.

But man, I mean, sometimes fame is just totally blown out of proportion in order to make people covet it. And that's all it really is, on closer observation.
Think of it this way. People strive for acceptance- it's why rumors hurt, yeah?- and fame is, well, the top of the top as far as that goes. Doesn't matter if it's good fame or bad fame- people know you exist if you're a celebrity. To pursue this is pretty superficial, in my opinion, after I've given it some thought... and quite unrewarding. Seriously, you get gossiped about, you get stalked, you get zero privacy- does the benefit REALLY outweigh the gain?

[Why do we want to be famous? To be accepted, of course.]

We live in a society that practically worships the famous. And for what? They're just regular people. Their good deeds have only reached you because their fame made their good deeds a larger scale project. But most of the time, these good deeds are simply for good PR. I'm sure they'd tell you fame sucks.

And fame does suck. Be happy with what you've got, for Christ's sake. Ironically, perhaps the most low-profile people who go into celebrity-style careers who get the MOST shit for what they do are politicians. Yeah, they're corrupt, but we all are. At least they're standing up for their ideals.

So that's all I can think to say about that. I don't know if I really said what I intended to there, my head's been elsewhere recently.
[Thus why my title/first lines don't fit with the rest of my post. Hurray for focus deficiency!]
Perhaps I'll start writing more once I get out of the strange swing I've been in, thanks to school.

Drink your vegetables and eat your milk.

-CS.